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Archive for September 2008

When you were not looking, I saw you standing there. I wanted to go up to to you. I wanted to say hello. I saw you staring off into space. I wondered what were you thinking about. Before you left me, you hugged me. I keep it close to my heart…..Until we meet again. I want to write you a love letter every day on your birthday. I want you to know how much I love you and miss you when you are not with me. I miss feeling you wrap your arms around my neck. I miss you my precious little one. I love you forever my youngest son.

You have chosen to wait….It’s about time that you let go of your fears. What are you afraid of? Rejection…..Toss that word out of your vocabulary. You need to take the time to discover yourself. Stop trying to impress others. It’s about time you broke free from the chains that hold you down. Freedom lies beyond your self imposed limits. The sky is the limit. When was the last time that you took a risk? When was the last time you said hello to a stranger? It’s about time. It’s about time that you start living.

I have learned to count my blessings each and every day. I have a little jar in my curio cabinet. It says the words blessings on it. I remember years ago reading a book about writing your blessings down in a gratitude journal. I have a journal that I write down both the good things and the bad things that have occurred in my life. I am grateful for lots of things in my life. Most of all I am grateful God spared my life last year when I was rear ended by a semi. My life is full of pain but I am alive. That is a blessing within itself. My children are a blessing to me. They give me both joy and heartache each and every day. My parents are a blessing to me. They help me when I am in a bind. They give me emotional and financial support when I need it. My sister is my greatest blessing. She listens to me when I have no one else to talk to. She is my support system. I am glad for everything that I have and don’t have in my life. God has blessed me with a wonderful life.

I went shopping yesterday at a local grocery store with my father and my youngest son. When I was going to the check out isle my son sow some baby clothes on sale. All of a sudden he said…..Do you want another baby? I said no because you are my baby. He replied….I am not a baby. In my eyes he will always be my baby. He is my last one. He will always be the baby of the family. I knew that having more children would forever be out of the question. I had a tubal ligation at the age of 38 the day my son was born. I have always had high risk pregnancies. I was high risk with my first born son when I was a teenage mother. I had premature labor with my second son and had him at 34 weeks. I had placenta previa with my third son and I was on a terbutaline pump for premature labor. I had him at 37 weeks. He shares the same birthday as his older brother. I had gestational diabetes and preterm contractions with my last son. I am no stranger to high risk pregnancies. I think that is why so many of my  patients bonded with me. I shared my stories with them. I inspired them. I taught many mothers in the high risk area to crochet. I wonder since I have left my job….How many women have returned to have another baby? How many woman have asked for me by my name. I will never know. What I do know is this….I made a difference to many woman having babies in Labor and Delivery.

Lord I pray for the hope and faith to sustain me through the difficulties of my life. I desire to be closer to you. Please help me to believe that the best is yet to come. Surround me with your love in my times of turmoil. Never leave my side when I feel lost and all alone. Guide me out of the darkness that I feel at times. Lift my heart and soul. Help me to praise you for your goodness each and every day. Amen

FAITH is believing in a power than myself
IS action doing what it right to my fellow man?
BELIEVING that anything is possible with God
AND letting go of life’s difficulties
PRAYING for God’s will and not thy will be done

On August 18, 2008 I went to the school that my son was not supposed to attend and met the school principal and his teacher. My son probably attended that school five times until it was court ordered that my son attend school in the county that I live in. The preschool that my son attended was free and offered free breakfasts for the children. Over twenty students were in my son’s class. Today I went to a preschool 5 miles away from my house. I was impressed by what the preschools had to offer. My father and I were impressed the different classrooms and activities that were offered. My son would be the eleventh student in the pm class. He would go to school Monday through Friday. The only catch is the tuition is $200.00 per month. It would be adjusted since school has already started. The classrooms have teacher’s aides and parent helpers. They even have cooking days for the preschoolers. My only problem is talking to my ex regarding this matter. I want my son to go to school by me instead of being over one hour away from me. My son misses me so much. By not letting me talk to my son on the phone, my son clings on to me when he sees me. I want to be a part of my son’s life. I want to raise my son. I want what is best for my son. It starts at home and then at school. I want to give my son a great educational experience. I am willing to spend the money. I wonder if his father will be able or willing. Sometimes a free education may not be the best. Especially in my son’s case.

When a new nurse is hired on, I believe that a good mentor should be assigned to help them make their transition smoother. I remember nursing students being on the labor and delivery unit. It was the change of shift and I had just given report to the day shift about a woman who was having a miscarriage of twins about 19 weeks. Her call light went off and the nurse I had just given report to didn’t get up. She sat at the nurse’s station drinking her coffee and picking her nails. I got up and two nursing students came with me. The patient stated that she needed to go to the bathroom. I knew that her babies were coming. I put her on the bed pan. Out came the first lifeless twin. I had one of the nursing student go and get the patient’s new nurse for the day. The day shift nurse came in and proceeded to rip the underpads off the patient. One of the nursing student got bloody bodily fluids on her white uniform pants. She continued to help me while the other nursing student went to get some towels. I then took the nursing student into the female doctor’s lounge. I told her never to behave like my coworker just did. I told the student that there was a right way to remove the wet underpads. Roll the patient over and then roll the wet underpads while placing the new ones underneath. It just that simple there is always a better way. Rather than rushing think first I told the nursing student. There’s a difference between a good nurse and a bad nurse I told the young student. Aim to be the good one. Listen to what your patient tells you. Be the patient advocate. Nurses need to be a support system for new nurses. Maybe that will cure the nursing shortage.

Infant loss awareness day is on October 15, 2008. It is a time when we remember those infants and babies that have died. For those who have experienced a loss…..Every day is a day to remember a lost love one. October 25, 2008 is Make A Difference Day in the United States. On that day I will be at a local library. Making hats and blankets for mother’s who are experiencing the loss of their babies. I will be donating the items in memory of two babies that have since gone to heaven.  I also plan on making comfort shawls for the mother’s who have lost their babies.  The loss of a baby affects not only the babies parents but the grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and family members. There are no words that can be said to bring enough comfort to the mother. But there is a universal sign of compassion called a hug that can go along way. Just being there for a grieving mother and father can help. You don’t have to say a word. Just hold their hand. Share some tears. Later on help the grieving mom and her family by cooking a meal for them. Plant a memorial tree in the infant’s name. Make a memorial bracelet for the mom with the baby’s name on it. Those are just a few suggestions. There are more things that you can do to help or to heal from the loss of an infant. Seek professional help if the grief becomes overwhelming. It’s ok to ask for help. There are great groups of grieving parents out there. Ask your local hospital bereavement program for help. Contact your family doctor for suggestions. Remember that someone cares for you………..

In 1985 I was accepted in associate degree Nursing program. My son was four at the time. I remember taking him to college with me. They had a daycare program there that fit my budget. I was working at the time at a local hospital as a nurse’s aide. Back then I didn’t need a college degree to be a nurse’s aide as some states have that as a requirement now. Being a nurse’s aide gave me an advantage over the other nursing students. I remember my medical surgical instuctor asking me if I could handle a difficult patient with a list that was 10 pages long with details on his condition and medications. I said yes. I remember her handing it to me and it unraveling onto the floor. The other nursing students gasped in horror. I remember several of them helping me that day turn the man every 2 hours. They told me they were glad that I had him and not them. Nursing is not about picking and choosing who you want as a patient. It’s not taking the most easiest patient. It’s about being challenged to your fullest extent. It’s about learning to handle crisis situations with both the patient and the family members. It’s about holding an old man’s hand as he is dying and he has no family to be with him at his final moments of living. It’s about caring and sharing a human life changing experience. Being a nurse takes the dedication that only a mother would know. As mothers we are attentive to our children’s every need. Just like a nurse attentive to her patients needs. Whether it is oral hygiene, wound care, or passing medications. A nurse’s job is that of a caregiver. Just like a mother’s job is for her children. I loved being a nurse. I love being a mother. Yes you can be a mother and a nursing student/nurse too.

My life changed the day I found out I was pregnant at the age of sixteen in 1981. I decided to keep the baby rather than have an abortion. Having an abortion was against my religious beliefs. I had my firstborn son in December of 1981. I had him over Christmas break and I didn’t have to miss a whole lot of high school. During my Junior year of high school, I was inducted into the National Honor Society. I maintained my NHS honors throughout my high school career. My mother and father encouraged me to become a nurse. I started to take my nursing prerequisite courses even before I graduated high school. I loved going to college. I felt that I fit in there much better than I did in high school. I was pretty much of a loner or burnout in my early high school years. Having my son saved me from my self destructive behaviors. Having my son helped me when I became a Labor and Delivery nurse in 1989. I have always had a deep compassion for young teen moms. When I took care of a teenager, I would encourage her to stay in school. I would tell her a little of my success story. I would get a lot of thank you cards from my patients. It made me happy to see that I was making a difference in a  young mother’s life. I wonder what those young mothers are like today. Do they talk about the caring nurse that took care of them? Do they remember me? I wonder….. My life is changing all the time.


September 2008
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