Delivery_Queen’s Weblog

Archive for October 2008

I love listening to all types of music except rap. Lately I have been on a country music kick. My five year old son loves it too. He was requesting which song for me to play on a Rascal Flatts CD. He sang the words to the song. I watched him from the rear view mirror. I thought to myself if he only knew what the words really meant. I fought back the tears. I wish that things could be different. I wish that I wasn’t a single mom once again. But I am…..Someday it will get better my friends tell me. I have to believe it. I have to sing a new song. I have to learn to make music on my own once again. Until then I sit back and enjoy the serenade that my precious little one sings to me. I wish I had a tape recorder handy to tape his sweet little voice. I tell myself there will be plenty of time…

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I started working on this pattern two days ago. http://www.geocities.com/cdjsimon/cableheart.htmlAt this point I am on row 8. When I first discovered this pattern a few years back, I thought that I would never understand some of the crochet terminology. I had never learned how to do a split fptr. But I did learn through trial and error. The pattern says it is for a 12 inch square. I will continue going in a square pattern until it will cover a little baby that weighs less than one lb. I have seen many tiny babies born too soon. I have made many blankets for those babies. I have held many of them in my hands. Many mothers have pictures of my hand next to their babies. I wanted them to know just how tiny their babies were. In my prior job as a labor and delivery nurse, I comforted many mothers and fathers who have lost their infants through miscarriage or stillbirth. I have many cards from those parents. Oftentimes I would write them a personal note and take it to them in their new rooms on the medical surgical floor. I wanted to let them know that they were in my thoughts and prayers. I never expected anything in return. I just wanted to make a difference in their lives. I realize now that I can still make a difference in the lives of grieving parents. I still continue to make blankets and hats for the hospital that I used to work for. I hope to expand my charitable work this next year to other local hospitals.

I wonder if I am still up to taking written exams. I have always hated them. The multiple choices that would tend to confuse me….Pick the best possible answer. Is it A, B, C, D, or E? The most dreaded exam I ever took was my nursing state board exam. A few weeks prior to taking the exam, I remember receiving a letter in the mail stating that the exam was compromised. I guess the truck driver driving the load decided to see what he was carrying and broke the seal on one of the exams. This led to the option of taking a compromised exam or waiting six months to take the nursing state boards. I chose to take the first exam. I did all the things I was supposed to do to prepare myself. I took a class on how to prepare for the exam. I remember buying an old NCLEX book at the library for 10 cents. I brought it with me to the posh hotel I was staying at with six other friends of mine. The night before the first exam, my friends and I looked over the NCLEX book that I brought with. I received a phone call that night from one of my nursing instructors. She was also at the hotel giving support to her brother’s girlfriend. She told me…..Good luck I know you are a bad test taker. That really gave me a boost….LOL. I remember sitting down next to a pregnant test taker the next day. I thought to myself….Don’t go into labor now. I broke the seal on the test and started taking the test. I did my best to answer the questions multiple choice style. When the time was up, my friends and I returned to our room to compare notes. We also looked through my NCLEX book and discovered that some of the very same test questions were in the book also. Some were the same and others were worded slightly differently. We spent the next few hours puring through the book. We only took a break for dinner at Edwardo’s pizza. The final day of the test went much better. I was armed with the knowledge that I knew the obscure answers. Was that cheating? No…It was called being prepared. I studied from a book that was at least 10 years old. The only new items on the exam were about the new disease called AIDS. I have come a long way in my journey. I will come across a few more tests in my life. Some will be multiple choice. Others will test my faith. God will lead me each step of the way. I believe that a new career will be opening up for me once I take the leap of faith and decide to go back to college.

I started out my morning frantically looking for my car keys. I couldn’t find them any where. I tore through my purse. I looked in my jacket pockets. Finally I decided to get the spare keys. That was an adventure within itself. I had to look through a different purse to find them. While driving to the bank, I reached in my purse for my driver’s license and found my first set of car keys. A thought crossed my mind….. YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES!!!!  I took it as a nudge from God. Yes, I have to admit I have been looking at my life from the wrong perspective. I have been seeking comfort and healing in the wrong places. The truth is…. True comfort comes from God. I have failed miserably in asking God for help in my daily needs and desires. I have been afraid to ask for help. I put myself in this position. I can get myself out of it. Wrong thinking…. It’s stinking thinking. For so long I have been hiding the truth from myself……I am afraid of being alone. But I realize now I am never alone…..God and his angels are all around me. While waiting in line at the bank, I started to flip through a local paper I had in the car. Lo and behold my eyes were fixed on the words…..In Tough Times Many Americans Turn To Guardian Angels. A guardian angel does not have to be a heavenly being or entity. I met a guardian angel this morning at the post office. After mailing some bills, I walked our the post office past a Lion’s Club member. I thought to myself…..turn around and give him your loose change in your jacket. I went up to the man and said “Here’s some change….it’s not much I am not working.” He asked me how many children I had and gave me four tootsie rolls for them. We continued to have a conversation about my semi truck accident and my inability to work at this time. Finally he said that the local Lion’s Club might be able to help me. He didn’t say how and I didn’t ask. I am just grateful for the offer for help. He took my name and phone number down and said he was going to give it to the President of the Lion’s club. Yes I believe angels are every where. I believe ordinary people can be angels. I found my guardian angel today. Thank God I was in the right place at the right time.