Delivery_Queen’s Weblog

Archive for February 2009

I recently talked to a friend that I used to work with on the Labor and Delivery unit. She stated that the cabinet was bare. They have recently had a lot of infant losses. I have a package ready to go to the hospital. There are at least 20 blankets and 10 hats. By no means is it a large hospital, but infant losses happen on a regular basis. On some nights I remember coming on to the unit and seeing two or three mothers who were experiencing the loss of their babies. It never failed that we would be the busiest on the unit with laboring mothers and deliveries. I hated those nights. I meant that I couldn’t give the grieving mom the one on one attention that she deserved. I did my best at those times. Many a time I would let my charting get behind. To me the emotional support of the grieving mother came first. Now that I am no longer working, I still realize that I can make a difference for grieving mothers. My goal this year is to fill the bereavement cabinet with many beautiful blankets, hats, and other items.

I was invited to read some of my poetry at an open mic night tonight. The promoter of it told me to dress up and put some make up on because……you never know who might show up. I’d have to admit it’s a little scary. The thought of getting up in front of a room of strangers and reading poetry to them. I have a lot of material to read. I have a file folder filled  with material. Tonight I have chosen to read several entries that have been viewed by thousands of people over the past few years on a different blog. My inspiration to write comes from within…… The true test of my success will be the attempt that I make at sharing a little bit of myself and my emotions. Emotions play a key role in my poetry. Lately I have had  a slump in my writing of poetry…….I guess I have hit a writer’s block. Tonight I hope to open up a new venue to my creative side. If all goes well, I’ll do it again next week.

A Credo For My Relationships With Others
Dr. Thomas Gordon

You and I are in a relationship, which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs and the right to meet those needs.

When you are having problems meeting your needs I will listen with genuine acceptance so as to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. I also will respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.

However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can change my behavior.

At those times when one of us cannot change to meet the other’s needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine – neither will lose, both will win.

In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.


I thought about this credo the other day when I read an old email from a former coworker. In it she said that she thought about me when she came across my neon clipboard at work. She said she put my name on it and used it. I would always tape interesting articles,pictures, and prayers on it. I have a feeling that she found the one that was stripped of it’s unique identity. That happened plenty of times. The credo was one of the articles I had placed on it. I felt that whoever used the clipboard would be inspired by it. There were many times on the labor and delivery unit where relationships with coworkers were strained. Somehow everyone got through the difficult times. I loved working the midnight shift for the friendships that I had established. It wasn’t a permanent thing and I knew that the day I left my job. For the 17 years that I worked there, nurse came and left. Many of the ones that left were always thought of but contact was loss. Now I am one of those lost……but I am not forgotten. I still run into doctors and old coworkers. We all have separate lives now. Relationships come. Relationships go. Friends come. Friends go. All you need is one good friend. This past year I have discovered I have over 3,800 cyber friends and I am blessed. Thank you.

When I saw this pattern for a keepsake box, I thought it would be a good idea for bereaved mothers to keep their mementos of their babies in it. At the hospital I used to work at, we would make booklets for the mothers. Inside the booklets we would tape pictures, a measuring tape, the baby id bracelet, foot and hand prints, and clips of the baby’s hair in it. Other items that can be place in the box could be….. a small teddy bear that the nurses could use in the pictures. A memorial beaded bracelet for the mother. A personal card from the hospital staff. It is the little things that are done for the parents that help them cope with their loss.

Today was one of those days that will be etched in my mind forever. I was room mom at my son’s preschool. During circle time, I watched my son pick out a partner to dance with. His teacher told him to pick a girl he wanted to dance with. I watched his face light up and he went over to her. At that moment he asked her…..May I have this dance? The children gathered in the middle of the room while the music from Beauty and the Beast played. All of a sudden my son stood in front of me with his dance partner. She asked me who I was going to dance with. Their teacher reminded them to get back with the other children. I watched my son dance with his partner. All of a sudden I could picture him in high school at prom. I hope that he’ll remember the day he learned to dance. One dance that I’ll look forward to will be on the day of his wedding……….. I can’t wait to hear the words…..May I have this dance? Until then I’ll wait. I’ll enjoy each and every moment. Live, love and dance. Life is too short.



Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

February 2009

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