Delivery_Queen’s Weblog

Posts Tagged ‘infant loss

An Ugly Pair of Shoes”

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the other one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have work the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

I will be assisting with a mother’s remembrance project at a local hospital in May. I came across this pattern……..

I recently bought some tiny baby hand and feet  rubber stamps. I think I will try making a few of them as memorial gifts. What I really need to find is a rubber stamp of a cross. I’d like to make some clay rocks with crosses on them and attach a poem with it that says……..

Whenever you think that your cross is too heavy to bear

Just look to the cross and know that Jesus cares

He will carry your burdens  if you give them to him

Always remember he is there to comfort you in your despair

I recently talked to a friend that I used to work with on the Labor and Delivery unit. She stated that the cabinet was bare. They have recently had a lot of infant losses. I have a package ready to go to the hospital. There are at least 20 blankets and 10 hats. By no means is it a large hospital, but infant losses happen on a regular basis. On some nights I remember coming on to the unit and seeing two or three mothers who were experiencing the loss of their babies. It never failed that we would be the busiest on the unit with laboring mothers and deliveries. I hated those nights. I meant that I couldn’t give the grieving mom the one on one attention that she deserved. I did my best at those times. Many a time I would let my charting get behind. To me the emotional support of the grieving mother came first. Now that I am no longer working, I still realize that I can make a difference for grieving mothers. My goal this year is to fill the bereavement cabinet with many beautiful blankets, hats, and other items.

When I saw this pattern for a keepsake box, I thought it would be a good idea for bereaved mothers to keep their mementos of their babies in it. At the hospital I used to work at, we would make booklets for the mothers. Inside the booklets we would tape pictures, a measuring tape, the baby id bracelet, foot and hand prints, and clips of the baby’s hair in it. Other items that can be place in the box could be….. a small teddy bear that the nurses could use in the pictures. A memorial beaded bracelet for the mother. A personal card from the hospital staff. It is the little things that are done for the parents that help them cope with their loss.

Along with the crocheted angels from a previous post, I thought that this would make a nice addition to memory boxes for mothers who have had an infant loss.

You can make the butterflies in either pink or blue or any other combination that would look good. More than likely these items will be used as part of the first photos that will be taken. They will be placed next to the baby and a picture will be taken. The parents will be informed that pictures were taken. Releases will be signed and when the pictures come in the parents will receive a phone call. At the parents convenience they will return to the hospital and talk to the bereavement counsellor. She will then go over the pictures with the parents. Nothing can ever replace the loss of an infant. But it is nice to know that someone cares. Contact your local hospital’s labor and delivery unit to see what needs that they may have.

When a new nurse is hired on, I believe that a good mentor should be assigned to help them make their transition smoother. I remember nursing students being on the labor and delivery unit. It was the change of shift and I had just given report to the day shift about a woman who was having a miscarriage of twins about 19 weeks. Her call light went off and the nurse I had just given report to didn’t get up. She sat at the nurse’s station drinking her coffee and picking her nails. I got up and two nursing students came with me. The patient stated that she needed to go to the bathroom. I knew that her babies were coming. I put her on the bed pan. Out came the first lifeless twin. I had one of the nursing student go and get the patient’s new nurse for the day. The day shift nurse came in and proceeded to rip the underpads off the patient. One of the nursing student got bloody bodily fluids on her white uniform pants. She continued to help me while the other nursing student went to get some towels. I then took the nursing student into the female doctor’s lounge. I told her never to behave like my coworker just did. I told the student that there was a right way to remove the wet underpads. Roll the patient over and then roll the wet underpads while placing the new ones underneath. It just that simple there is always a better way. Rather than rushing think first I told the nursing student. There’s a difference between a good nurse and a bad nurse I told the young student. Aim to be the good one. Listen to what your patient tells you. Be the patient advocate. Nurses need to be a support system for new nurses. Maybe that will cure the nursing shortage.

September 2020

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