Delivery_Queen’s Weblog

Posts Tagged ‘son

The greatest valentine gift of  all came to me in the form of several hugs from my six year old. He was so excited to see me be at his Valentine’s party at school. He ran up to me several times to give me surprise hugs. Several times this past week he would come up to me and say….”Now close your eyes really tight……” I would try to peek but he would say…….” I told you to close your eyes.” All of a sudden he would plant a kiss on my cheek. It’s those simple moments in life that I want to remember of my son. A moment that could never be captured by a camera. I often tell myself that I need to write it down before I forget. I have decided to save the valentines he received at the valentines party plastic bag along with a few pictures that I took of him. One special picture will be of the both of us together. I cherish the moments of pure parental joy. The simple things my child says to me…. “Mom put on your seat belt or the policeman will get you.” Yes my son……I know you want me to be safe. No my son he won’t arrest me for being stopped for doing 37 mph in a 25 mph zone. The greatest gift from the policeman was……Next time don’t do it. I’ll always remember the day you distracted me by your chatter in the back seat my little one. Because I was paying attention to you and not the speed limit. I’ll pay attention to the signs next time. But for now I choose to listen to your chatter for as long as I can…….Before you grow up too fast. You are my funny Valentine. I love you so…….Love you to infinity and beyond……..MOM

My experiences with crafting have taken me to many different places of healing. One recent encounter lead me to give away two angel bracelets that I have made. These bracelets symbolized new hope for the women that received them. I told one of the women that the new year would bring new blessings for her. She witnessed what true friendship could bring…….emotional support and a fresh outlook for a better tomorrow. Every day we encounter many people on our walk through life. How many of those people need encouragement? You will never know until you ask the question…..How can I help you? My six year old son taught me those five most important words. He showed me great kindness and concern on a recent trip to Subway at the mall. I was taking him to the mall to see Santa. Suddenly he said the words “I’m hungry I want Subway.” I was a little surprised at his request since I had never taken him to Subway. It was a first for me. I let him order what he wanted to eat and then we sat down at a booth. I helped him with holding his chocolate milk since I didn’t want it on his shirt. We had not taken a picture with Santa yet and I wanted his clothes to be fairly unstained. All of a sudden my son said……”Mom, you need to eat.” I didn’t buy myself a sandwich to eat because I wasn’t hungry. But I was forced to eat. I ended up buying a six inch sub. I then sat at the booth and watched my son eat. I thanked him for taking such good care of me. At such a young age he showed me an important lesson………..I need to sustain my emotional and physically energy in order to do the things that I need to get done. As the year is finishing up, I am finding myself on a new journey. I was recently told I needed to find a new career choice that was less physically demanding. I believe that I have found a new path to lead me to a better career and a better life for my  whole family. This will be the driving force for the next five years of my life. I will still continue to craft for my health. Over the next year, I will be finding new inspirations to incorporate into my new craft business. My life has come full circle. I am blessed.

The moment I held you in my arms. I knew you were mine. I felt an inner stirring. It was love at first sight. I felt the tears well up in my eyes the moment I saw you. It was hard work getting you into this world. I knew you were mine forever. Time and time again I felt that you were meant to be a part of my life. You were meant for me. I cherish the love we share each and every day. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you my child. Each day that we have together is a blessing. I love you my little one.

Today was one of those days that will be etched in my mind forever. I was room mom at my son’s preschool. During circle time, I watched my son pick out a partner to dance with. His teacher told him to pick a girl he wanted to dance with. I watched his face light up and he went over to her. At that moment he asked her…..May I have this dance? The children gathered in the middle of the room while the music from Beauty and the Beast played. All of a sudden my son stood in front of me with his dance partner. She asked me who I was going to dance with. Their teacher reminded them to get back with the other children. I watched my son dance with his partner. All of a sudden I could picture him in high school at prom. I hope that he’ll remember the day he learned to dance. One dance that I’ll look forward to will be on the day of his wedding……….. I can’t wait to hear the words…..May I have this dance? Until then I’ll wait. I’ll enjoy each and every moment. Live, love and dance. Life is too short.

No matter where I am at on Thanksgiving I will sit down and give thanks for what I have. While most families will be gathered together, I will be separated from my youngest son. My thoughts will be of him next Thursday. I will count my blessings as I sit with my parents and the rest of my family. My father will more than likely ask each of us to say what we are thankful for. I will say I am blessed to be alive. The list can go on and on. I am blessed to have loving and caring parents who brought me to the United States in 1969 for a better life. Right now I would have to say that my life is not what I dreamed it would be. Am I a failure? No….I am blessed to be alive. God has a purpose for me. I have a job to do. Slowly I am becoming aware of my life’s purpose. Each day opens like a page in a book. I never know what to expect. This year has been a difficult one for me. I expect next year to be better. I need to say grace and blessings each day that I come to the dinner table. Each day is a blessing to me. I need to remind myself that I am truly blessed.

Lord thank you for blessing me with the life that I have today. Let me be a blessing to others who should come my way. Help me to give of myself without expecting anything in return. As I gather each day at your table of plenty, help me to be thankful for what I am about to receive. Help me to share the abundance that I may receive. It is only through giving that I may receive your greatest blessings. Amen

I love listening to all types of music except rap. Lately I have been on a country music kick. My five year old son loves it too. He was requesting which song for me to play on a Rascal Flatts CD. He sang the words to the song. I watched him from the rear view mirror. I thought to myself if he only knew what the words really meant. I fought back the tears. I wish that things could be different. I wish that I wasn’t a single mom once again. But I am…..Someday it will get better my friends tell me. I have to believe it. I have to sing a new song. I have to learn to make music on my own once again. Until then I sit back and enjoy the serenade that my precious little one sings to me. I wish I had a tape recorder handy to tape his sweet little voice. I tell myself there will be plenty of time…

I went shopping yesterday at a local grocery store with my father and my youngest son. When I was going to the check out isle my son sow some baby clothes on sale. All of a sudden he said…..Do you want another baby? I said no because you are my baby. He replied….I am not a baby. In my eyes he will always be my baby. He is my last one. He will always be the baby of the family. I knew that having more children would forever be out of the question. I had a tubal ligation at the age of 38 the day my son was born. I have always had high risk pregnancies. I was high risk with my first born son when I was a teenage mother. I had premature labor with my second son and had him at 34 weeks. I had placenta previa with my third son and I was on a terbutaline pump for premature labor. I had him at 37 weeks. He shares the same birthday as his older brother. I had gestational diabetes and preterm contractions with my last son. I am no stranger to high risk pregnancies. I think that is why so many of my  patients bonded with me. I shared my stories with them. I inspired them. I taught many mothers in the high risk area to crochet. I wonder since I have left my job….How many women have returned to have another baby? How many woman have asked for me by my name. I will never know. What I do know is this….I made a difference to many woman having babies in Labor and Delivery.

On August 18, 2008 I went to the school that my son was not supposed to attend and met the school principal and his teacher. My son probably attended that school five times until it was court ordered that my son attend school in the county that I live in. The preschool that my son attended was free and offered free breakfasts for the children. Over twenty students were in my son’s class. Today I went to a preschool 5 miles away from my house. I was impressed by what the preschools had to offer. My father and I were impressed the different classrooms and activities that were offered. My son would be the eleventh student in the pm class. He would go to school Monday through Friday. The only catch is the tuition is $200.00 per month. It would be adjusted since school has already started. The classrooms have teacher’s aides and parent helpers. They even have cooking days for the preschoolers. My only problem is talking to my ex regarding this matter. I want my son to go to school by me instead of being over one hour away from me. My son misses me so much. By not letting me talk to my son on the phone, my son clings on to me when he sees me. I want to be a part of my son’s life. I want to raise my son. I want what is best for my son. It starts at home and then at school. I want to give my son a great educational experience. I am willing to spend the money. I wonder if his father will be able or willing. Sometimes a free education may not be the best. Especially in my son’s case.

In the five hours since I picked up my five year old, he said I miss you six times. He didn’t say I love you yet….Just I miss you. He last saw me on Sunday night. My last words to him that day was I love you. I guess my son misses me more than he loves me today. But that’s fine with me. I won’t crumble into an emotional mess if I don’t hear the L word from him. It’s all about being a family for the next 2 1/2 days. Precious moments to live. Precious moments to share. The every day moments are what I miss when my son is not there. For for today….I’ll hug him a little tighter….I’ll hold him a little longer until I can tell him……..I miss you too my son.

I have never had a man write me a love poem. I know that I have written more than a few poems in my lifetime. I looked over a few of them last night. They were poems that I had written to my second son when he was about six years old. He is now fourteen. When he comes back from high school today, I will show them to him. The words I write express the way that I feel at the moment. I remember being introduced to the world of poetry in Catholic grade school. In third grade I remember making a little booklet with Japanese poetry in it called haikus and tankas. I colored the pages with bright markers. My dad took me to a local travel agency to get brochures on Japan. I remember pouring through the brochures to find the perfect pictures. I probably still have that booklet somewhere in the crawl space. Collecting dust or turning into dust itself. I have notebooks filled with a lot of my poetry. The last time I recall it was over 2,000. Some day I hope to publish them. I want to share a part of my life, thoughts, and emotions with the world. But for now it is a dream……….

September 2020

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